Feelings - Censorship and Expression
When was the last time you expressed yourself during a conflict? How about censor yourself?
I am a passive person. I hate conflict and I hate confrontation. Therefore most of the time I tend to avoid conflict if I can. Should I happen to be confronted, however, it usually ends in two ways. The first way it usually ends is myself being quite stressed out and quite unhappy, as I usually stay silent so the person on the other side of the conflict can go away, usually quite happy as they've won the argument. The second way a conflict usually ends is the same way; I am stressed and unhappy and the other person is stressed and unhappy, but they now know how I feel.
An example of the last time I have expressed myself during a conflict would be the last argument I had with a former friend. She and I were quite opposites of each other, we knew each other for a while (met through a mutual friend) and had hit it off. After a while in the relationship she started to push me around a bit, to take advantage for some personal gain. I, of course, stayed silent and she continued to do this over and over again. That was a mistake on my part, one that I try to remedy at every conflict from now on.
The last conflict we had I finally spoke up on my behalf as I was tired of her behavior. She continued to try to manipulate me into doing what she wanted but when that wasn't working she turned to calling me a horrible friend and speak mean things. I spoke my piece, we both ended up quite stressed out and unhappy, and I haven't talked to her in over a year.
This just happens to be an extreme situation of a conflict in my experience. Before we had gotten to this point, we should have used the Six-Step Model of Conflict Resolution. Each argument we have had up to this point, I had been able to identify the problem (Preparation), however, that is usually where I stopped. What should have happened next was initiating the problem with her, confronting her with my feelings and moving forward with resolving it. Then I should have considered her point of view, which would lead to a resolution and at a later date we may have reevaluated whether the solution was working or not. Using this strategy might have saved a relationship, increased my self-esteem, and built up my confidence to future conflict resolutions.
I am a passive person. I hate conflict and I hate confrontation. Therefore most of the time I tend to avoid conflict if I can. Should I happen to be confronted, however, it usually ends in two ways. The first way it usually ends is myself being quite stressed out and quite unhappy, as I usually stay silent so the person on the other side of the conflict can go away, usually quite happy as they've won the argument. The second way a conflict usually ends is the same way; I am stressed and unhappy and the other person is stressed and unhappy, but they now know how I feel.
An example of the last time I have expressed myself during a conflict would be the last argument I had with a former friend. She and I were quite opposites of each other, we knew each other for a while (met through a mutual friend) and had hit it off. After a while in the relationship she started to push me around a bit, to take advantage for some personal gain. I, of course, stayed silent and she continued to do this over and over again. That was a mistake on my part, one that I try to remedy at every conflict from now on.
The last conflict we had I finally spoke up on my behalf as I was tired of her behavior. She continued to try to manipulate me into doing what she wanted but when that wasn't working she turned to calling me a horrible friend and speak mean things. I spoke my piece, we both ended up quite stressed out and unhappy, and I haven't talked to her in over a year.
This just happens to be an extreme situation of a conflict in my experience. Before we had gotten to this point, we should have used the Six-Step Model of Conflict Resolution. Each argument we have had up to this point, I had been able to identify the problem (Preparation), however, that is usually where I stopped. What should have happened next was initiating the problem with her, confronting her with my feelings and moving forward with resolving it. Then I should have considered her point of view, which would lead to a resolution and at a later date we may have reevaluated whether the solution was working or not. Using this strategy might have saved a relationship, increased my self-esteem, and built up my confidence to future conflict resolutions.
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